—West End Front End Engineer
Dear West End,
You think you’re having trouble with codeine? I’ve had trouble with it all my life. If you’re trying to replace it with AJAX, fellah, I can tell you you’re in for a long hard ride. If you’re trying to get a script for AJAX, I have to admit I’m a little surprised. Doctors don’t prescribe over-the-counter stuff, let alone bleach powder under-the-counter. AJAX will f*#% you up but it will never replace codeine. With your tight deadline I’d say just stick with the java. Keeps me going when the adderol runs dry. Best of luck!
I can’t help but be a little freaked out by the NSA. Actually, I’m a little freaked out that people aren’t more freaked out by the NSA. You know surveillance — what’s your take on the feds spying on us online?
—Eddard Jon Snowden
Not only do I know surveillance, I do surveillance. And you’re right, I’m an expert on NSA. My biggest tip for you: when she says “No Strings Attached,” she rarely means it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve answered NSA Craigslist ads at 4 in the morning, and it’s never the freewheeling romp you hope it will be. As for being surveilled, who are you worried is looking at your Craigslist history? The feds don’t care about that stuff. Worry more about how Google knows every last thing about you. Plenty of strings attached there.
I’m desperately in need of your helpful assistance! Having spent all my life in classrooms studying studiously, I think I may have finally at last figured out the hidden secret for a world without sickness, conflict, or strife. Honestly I think I discovered a viable means of immortality forever. Do you understand me? Now death is over and redundant! But I worry that in a big data world, someone might steal possession of my private secret and ruin this rare unique chance humanity now has. I might find myself unsafe in danger! I know you’re the only one who can help me, Geekqualizer!
—Almost Nearly Immortal Forever
i read your post and I’m very interested. i’m 26, white, fit, 220lbs, 6’2″, tall, with all my own hair, former secret-services (i shouldn’t say that, so i hope you can keep a secret?), very suave, hot, d/d free, and uncut. pic for pic? let’s hang out A.S.S.A.P.
shit! i still haven’t figured out this copy-paste thing.